AKPOS: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get admission into
University these days, except you are well
connected… Uncle: Yes thats true. …
AKPOS: Since you are connected, I came to ask you to
help me get admission into university after my
jamb. Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected and I will help
you. AKPOS: Thank you uncle. Uncle: You are
welcome,
so how is your result, is it Waec or Neco and how
many credits did you get?
AKPOS: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits in Agricultural science and Yoruba language, but I
failed the
rest.
Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be a doctor,
not a medical doctor really, but native doctor
(babalawo)..you will use your credit in Agric in collecting herbs from forest, and Yoruba language
for
incantations.
Thursday 30 October 2014
LOLS
Akpors who have been working in UK wrote to his
wife in Nigeria. Dear Darling, I can't send you my salary this month because the
global market crisis has affected my Company's
performance, so I am sending 100kisses. You are my sweetheart, please understand and
adjust with this situation. Your loving husband, His wife replied Him; Hey hubby Thanks for the 100 kisses. Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses; 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's
milk. 2. The electricity man, agreed not to disconnect only
after 7 kisses. 3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3
kisses instead of the monthly rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I
gave him other items, I hope you understand. 5. Miscellaneous expenses 40kisses. Please don't worry about me,I still have a balance of
35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance. Shall I plan the same for the nextmonth? Your Sweet Heart.
wife in Nigeria. Dear Darling, I can't send you my salary this month because the
global market crisis has affected my Company's
performance, so I am sending 100kisses. You are my sweetheart, please understand and
adjust with this situation. Your loving husband, His wife replied Him; Hey hubby Thanks for the 100 kisses. Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses; 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's
milk. 2. The electricity man, agreed not to disconnect only
after 7 kisses. 3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3
kisses instead of the monthly rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I
gave him other items, I hope you understand. 5. Miscellaneous expenses 40kisses. Please don't worry about me,I still have a balance of
35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance. Shall I plan the same for the nextmonth? Your Sweet Heart.
LMAO.................
Akpors was being discharged from a Mental Hospital
after doctors thought he was finally back to normal,
he was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors.
They took him to where he claimed thats where he
lived. just as they approached a certain house 2 kids
dressed in unifoms came out of the house,
Akpors screamed, "those are my children going to
school" A minute later a woman came out of the same house
and akpors screamed "that's my wife, she is late for
work." This time the doctors were convinced akpors
was ok and took him out of the ambulance but was
still in chains, just as they were about unlocking the
chains, a man came out of the house and akpors screamed "Yes now thats me going for work."
after doctors thought he was finally back to normal,
he was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors.
They took him to where he claimed thats where he
lived. just as they approached a certain house 2 kids
dressed in unifoms came out of the house,
Akpors screamed, "those are my children going to
school" A minute later a woman came out of the same house
and akpors screamed "that's my wife, she is late for
work." This time the doctors were convinced akpors
was ok and took him out of the ambulance but was
still in chains, just as they were about unlocking the
chains, a man came out of the house and akpors screamed "Yes now thats me going for work."
NOMENCLATURE
Animal Science
Teacher: What is a baby lizard called?
Akpos: a baby lizard is called lizzybaby.
Hahhaah,...teacher yash
LOLS
BAD BOY AKPORS
BAD Boy AKPoRS
Akpos was very hungry and
had no money with him. He then went to town to find
something to eat. On his way, this was his
prayer...... "Father please help me find
N2000 on the ground"
and i
promise to give you N1000
afterwards. He kept on reciting this
prayer
as he went along. Immediately he saw N1000
on
the ground. Akpos then
shouted "Indeed the lord is very fast, he has already
take
Akpos was very hungry and
had no money with him. He then went to town to find
something to eat. On his way, this was his
prayer...... "Father please help me find
N2000 on the ground"
and i
promise to give you N1000
afterwards. He kept on reciting this
prayer
as he went along. Immediately he saw N1000
on
the ground. Akpos then
shouted "Indeed the lord is very fast, he has already
take
DREAM
Emeka: akpos,how faR?
Akpos: no bad o.
Emeka: bros,why you dry like this na?
Akpos: my guy na poverty o.
Emeka: poverty is a disease o!well na God hand e dey.
Akpos: mehn!you really looking good,what's the
secret behind it?
Emeka: bros na dream life o.
Akpos: hmm..how?
Emeka: bros,na enjoyment for dream o..always enjoying life at Mr.Bigg's.
Akpos: ok i go try am..hope e go dey helpful.
Emeka: bros,make sure say na Mr.Bigg's you go o.
*next day*
Emeka: bros,how fa?that stuff really work,i see say
your belle don develope. Akpos: my guy i nearly die if no be God.
Emeka: bros how?.
Akpos: as i go Mr.Bigg's,i eat bread until the bread
hang me for throat..na him as i wake up,i realize
say my pillow case don nearly finish
Akpos: no bad o.
Emeka: bros,why you dry like this na?
Akpos: my guy na poverty o.
Emeka: poverty is a disease o!well na God hand e dey.
Akpos: mehn!you really looking good,what's the
secret behind it?
Emeka: bros na dream life o.
Akpos: hmm..how?
Emeka: bros,na enjoyment for dream o..always enjoying life at Mr.Bigg's.
Akpos: ok i go try am..hope e go dey helpful.
Emeka: bros,make sure say na Mr.Bigg's you go o.
*next day*
Emeka: bros,how fa?that stuff really work,i see say
your belle don develope. Akpos: my guy i nearly die if no be God.
Emeka: bros how?.
Akpos: as i go Mr.Bigg's,i eat bread until the bread
hang me for throat..na him as i wake up,i realize
say my pillow case don nearly finish
LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Akpos was doing his maths
homework & saying: 2+5, the son
of a bitch is 7
3+6, the son of a bitch is 9...
His Mom : What are you doing ?
Akpors : I'm doing maths homework
Mom : this is how your teacher
taught
you?
Akpors : Yes
Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher the
next day "What are you teaching
my
son in maths?"
Teacher : Right now, we are
learning addition.
Mom : you teaching them to say
2+2,
the Son of a bitch is 4 ?
Teacher after laughing : What I
taught them was, 2+2, The Sum of Which
is 4
homework & saying: 2+5, the son
of a bitch is 7
3+6, the son of a bitch is 9...
His Mom : What are you doing ?
Akpors : I'm doing maths homework
Mom : this is how your teacher
taught
you?
Akpors : Yes
Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher the
next day "What are you teaching
my
son in maths?"
Teacher : Right now, we are
learning addition.
Mom : you teaching them to say
2+2,
the Son of a bitch is 4 ?
Teacher after laughing : What I
taught them was, 2+2, The Sum of Which
is 4
LOLZ
Teacher gave an assignment
on drawing to draw any
nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors
submited a blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the
cow? Akpos: there was no more
grass so the cow left.
on drawing to draw any
nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors
submited a blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the
cow? Akpos: there was no more
grass so the cow left.
LOLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS................
Teacher gave an assignment
on drawing to draw any
nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors
submited a blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the
cow? Akpos: there was no more
grass so the cow left.
on drawing to draw any
nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors
submited a blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the
cow? Akpos: there was no more
grass so the cow left.
WISE...............................................................MAN
Akpors is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep
telling people u're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one
will dare touch ur mom!"
KIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
L̳̿Ö̤̣̇ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́Ö̤̣̇L zzzzz,....My Broda AKPORS=»
I akpors,
WAS COMING HOME LAST TUESDAY EVENING AFTER A
HECTIC DAY AND FOUND A SMALL BAG ON THE GROUND. I OPENED IT AND BEHOLD WHAT
I FOUND INSIDE; $20, 000 DOLLARS!! FEAR FIRST CATCH ME, BUT I TOOK THE BAG
HOME AND WHEN... I EMPTIED IT, I FOUND SOME DOCUMENTS, ID CARD, ATM, CARD
AND AN IPHONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THROWING THE SIM AWAY AND KEEP THE PHONE AND
ALSO DISPOSE THE DOCUMENTS AND KEEP THE MONEY. AFTER A LONG THOUGHT,
I DECIDED TO LEAVE THINGS AS THEY WERE, HOPING THAT THE OWNER WOULD CALL.
NOT LONG AFTER A CALL CAME THROUGH ON THE IPHONE, I PICKED AND TALKED WITH
THE CALLER. APPARENTLY IT WAS THE OWNER OF THE BAG CAUSE HE NAMED
ABSOLUTELY EVERY CONTENT OF THE BAG. WE MET AFTERWARDS AND I HANDED HIM
THE BAG. HE OFFERED ME $ 2,000 DOLLARS BUT I TURNED IT DOWN, HE COLLECTED
MY NUMBER AND I LEFT. YESTERDAY HE CALLED AND OFFERED ME A JOB @ CHEVRON WORTH 750,000 NARIA PER MONTH, A 3 BEDROOM FLAT FULLY FURNISHED, AND A 2012 BMW X B. AS I WAS SMILING AND TESTING THE CAR MY SISTER JUST SLAPPED ME AND SAID " OYA OYA OYA WAKE UP akpors!! EBA DON READY".
=))♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª•ђåª•! =))
I akpors,
WAS COMING HOME LAST TUESDAY EVENING AFTER A
HECTIC DAY AND FOUND A SMALL BAG ON THE GROUND. I OPENED IT AND BEHOLD WHAT
I FOUND INSIDE; $20, 000 DOLLARS!! FEAR FIRST CATCH ME, BUT I TOOK THE BAG
HOME AND WHEN... I EMPTIED IT, I FOUND SOME DOCUMENTS, ID CARD, ATM, CARD
AND AN IPHONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THROWING THE SIM AWAY AND KEEP THE PHONE AND
ALSO DISPOSE THE DOCUMENTS AND KEEP THE MONEY. AFTER A LONG THOUGHT,
I DECIDED TO LEAVE THINGS AS THEY WERE, HOPING THAT THE OWNER WOULD CALL.
NOT LONG AFTER A CALL CAME THROUGH ON THE IPHONE, I PICKED AND TALKED WITH
THE CALLER. APPARENTLY IT WAS THE OWNER OF THE BAG CAUSE HE NAMED
ABSOLUTELY EVERY CONTENT OF THE BAG. WE MET AFTERWARDS AND I HANDED HIM
THE BAG. HE OFFERED ME $ 2,000 DOLLARS BUT I TURNED IT DOWN, HE COLLECTED
MY NUMBER AND I LEFT. YESTERDAY HE CALLED AND OFFERED ME A JOB @ CHEVRON WORTH 750,000 NARIA PER MONTH, A 3 BEDROOM FLAT FULLY FURNISHED, AND A 2012 BMW X B. AS I WAS SMILING AND TESTING THE CAR MY SISTER JUST SLAPPED ME AND SAID " OYA OYA OYA WAKE UP akpors!! EBA DON READY".
=))♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª•ђåª•! =))
LOLZZ
Akpos was roaming about the Lagos international airport,Whe saw a wallet on the road.he picked it up and opened it.
He discovered that $5,000 is on it. he quickly removed it and threw away the wallet.
He turned his car immediately and said "Make i waka fast before somebody wen no lost
money go dey claim say him lost
money".
As he was driving home,he
tuned on to wazobia FM radio.
There was a programme on air.
Akpos called the radio station.
Akpos:hello is that wazobia FM?
Station:yes.wetin happen?
Akpos: I pick $5,000 for inside
wallet today.
Station: wow! U are a good
samaritan.
Do u want to come to our station, so we can help find the owner?.
Akpos: no.....i want u to play me P.Square music.....eno easy aa...oooo.baba
God na your handwork .....
3 h
He discovered that $5,000 is on it. he quickly removed it and threw away the wallet.
He turned his car immediately and said "Make i waka fast before somebody wen no lost
money go dey claim say him lost
money".
As he was driving home,he
tuned on to wazobia FM radio.
There was a programme on air.
Akpos called the radio station.
Akpos:hello is that wazobia FM?
Station:yes.wetin happen?
Akpos: I pick $5,000 for inside
wallet today.
Station: wow! U are a good
samaritan.
Do u want to come to our station, so we can help find the owner?.
Akpos: no.....i want u to play me P.Square music.....eno easy aa...oooo.baba
God na your handwork .....
3 h
TEACHER VS AKPORS
Teacher: can you see God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: can you touch God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: then there is no God
(…..…., a little silence)
Akpos: teacher can you see your
brain?.
Teacher: No
Akpos: can you touch your brain? Teacher: ”No!”
Akpos: “Then you dont have a brain!”.
Akpos; No
Teacher: can you touch God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: then there is no God
(…..…., a little silence)
Akpos: teacher can you see your
brain?.
Teacher: No
Akpos: can you touch your brain? Teacher: ”No!”
Akpos: “Then you dont have a brain!”.
KIKIKIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Akpos, ochuko, and musa were fighting over
a girl. On the process they decided to meet
the girl and make her pick her choice among
them.
.
When they got to her, she insisted that she'll
only date a guy who could make a good
sentence with 'LIVER' and 'CHEESE.'
musa: (cutting in quickly) i love LIVER and
CHEESE!
Girl: hehehe, that's childish. Next please!
Ochuko: i hate LIVER and CHEESE (with a grin)
Girl: hahaha now that's wierd. (turns to
akpos)
Akpos: LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!
a girl. On the process they decided to meet
the girl and make her pick her choice among
them.
.
When they got to her, she insisted that she'll
only date a guy who could make a good
sentence with 'LIVER' and 'CHEESE.'
musa: (cutting in quickly) i love LIVER and
CHEESE!
Girl: hehehe, that's childish. Next please!
Ochuko: i hate LIVER and CHEESE (with a grin)
Girl: hahaha now that's wierd. (turns to
akpos)
Akpos: LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!
LOLZ ..............HMMM
Akpos was interviewed by a CNN reporter,this was what transpired!
CNN:Mr Akpos before we proceed,we will want to know where you are from?
Akpos:proudly naija!
CNN: Wow,may I ask you a simple question!
Akpos: offcourse.
CNN: who is the president of nigeria?
Akpos:JEGA.
CNN: are you insane,i said president not INEC chairman.we are on a world wide broadcast,so don't embarrass your self.
Akpos: the name of the president of my country is JEGA.
CNN:mr akpos its obvious that you are illiterate and insane.you better go and start from the beginning!
(reporter walking away)
Akpos:come hear my friend,the name of my president is JEGA: J for Jonathan,E for Ebele,G for Goodluck,and A for Azikiwe! Now who is illiterate?
CNN:Mr Akpos before we proceed,we will want to know where you are from?
Akpos:proudly naija!
CNN: Wow,may I ask you a simple question!
Akpos: offcourse.
CNN: who is the president of nigeria?
Akpos:JEGA.
CNN: are you insane,i said president not INEC chairman.we are on a world wide broadcast,so don't embarrass your self.
Akpos: the name of the president of my country is JEGA.
CNN:mr akpos its obvious that you are illiterate and insane.you better go and start from the beginning!
(reporter walking away)
Akpos:come hear my friend,the name of my president is JEGA: J for Jonathan,E for Ebele,G for Goodluck,and A for Azikiwe! Now who is illiterate?
LOLZ
Akpos was interviewed by a CNN reporter,this was what transpired!
CNN:Mr Akpos before we proceed,we will want to know where you are from?
Akpos:proudly naija!
CNN: Wow,may I ask you a simple question!
Akpos: offcourse.
CNN: who is the president of nigeria?
Akpos:JEGA.
CNN: are you insane,i said president not INEC chairman.we are on a world wide broadcast,so don't embarrass your self.
Akpos: the name of the president of my country is JEGA.
CNN:mr akpos its obvious that you are illiterate and insane.you better go and start from the beginning!
(reporter walking away)
Akpos:come hear my friend,the name of my president is JEGA: J for Jonathan,E for Ebele,G for Goodluck,and A for Azikiwe! Now who is illiterate?
CNN:Mr Akpos before we proceed,we will want to know where you are from?
Akpos:proudly naija!
CNN: Wow,may I ask you a simple question!
Akpos: offcourse.
CNN: who is the president of nigeria?
Akpos:JEGA.
CNN: are you insane,i said president not INEC chairman.we are on a world wide broadcast,so don't embarrass your self.
Akpos: the name of the president of my country is JEGA.
CNN:mr akpos its obvious that you are illiterate and insane.you better go and start from the beginning!
(reporter walking away)
Akpos:come hear my friend,the name of my president is JEGA: J for Jonathan,E for Ebele,G for Goodluck,and A for Azikiwe! Now who is illiterate?
HMMMMM...........................
Two men ( Akpors and ochuku ), wanted to run away from the psychiatric hospital.
They started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman, open the gate and run away.
When they reached the gate, the watchman was not there and the gate was wide open.
They turned to each other and said "shit! our plan has failed, lets go back, we will try again tomorrow."
They started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman, open the gate and run away.
When they reached the gate, the watchman was not there and the gate was wide open.
They turned to each other and said "shit! our plan has failed, lets go back, we will try again tomorrow."
LOLZ...................................................
Akpos was on his way back home early one morning when he came across robbers.
They got hold of him. He struggled and struggled but they over powered him.
When they searched him and found only One torn N200 note
on him, the following dialogue
ensured.
Robbers: (Angrily) Wait Oh, so na dis nonsense tear tear #200 nai
make u dey follow us dey struggle
b4, abi u no dey fear gun wen
bullet dey
Akpos: No oh, how I no go fear gun wen bullet dey, I bin tink say una wan collect de #10,000 wen I
hide inside my stuckins for my
right leg shoe
They got hold of him. He struggled and struggled but they over powered him.
When they searched him and found only One torn N200 note
on him, the following dialogue
ensured.
Robbers: (Angrily) Wait Oh, so na dis nonsense tear tear #200 nai
make u dey follow us dey struggle
b4, abi u no dey fear gun wen
bullet dey
Akpos: No oh, how I no go fear gun wen bullet dey, I bin tink say una wan collect de #10,000 wen I
hide inside my stuckins for my
right leg shoe
LOL.............LMAO
A Drunk 18yrs old boy asked a married woman out.
The woman got pissed, & told her husband Akpos The scenario.
The husband told the woman to invite the boy over so that he could beat the hell out of him.
Akpos Told His Wife that he would hide under the bed and wait for the boy.
The woman did as her hubby requested.
When the boy got there he kissed the woman & took off his T-shirt & his body was full of scars so the woman asked
"why so many scars??".
The boy replied "I like to lay with
married women & usually I get caught so I kill their husbands.
If someone shows up now he'll be No.20 on my murder list".
The boy continued kissing the woman & then woman tried to reach out to her husband (Akpos)
under the bed & a small voice
came up and say "If u tell him am here, I swear i'll
kill u before he kills me
The woman got pissed, & told her husband Akpos The scenario.
The husband told the woman to invite the boy over so that he could beat the hell out of him.
Akpos Told His Wife that he would hide under the bed and wait for the boy.
The woman did as her hubby requested.
When the boy got there he kissed the woman & took off his T-shirt & his body was full of scars so the woman asked
"why so many scars??".
The boy replied "I like to lay with
married women & usually I get caught so I kill their husbands.
If someone shows up now he'll be No.20 on my murder list".
The boy continued kissing the woman & then woman tried to reach out to her husband (Akpos)
under the bed & a small voice
came up and say "If u tell him am here, I swear i'll
kill u before he kills me
LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Akpos, ochuko, and musa were fighting over
a girl. On the process they decided to meet
the girl and make her pick her choice among
them.
.
When they got to her, she insisted that she'll
only date a guy who could make a good
sentence with 'LIVER' and 'CHEESE.'
musa: (cutting in quickly) i love LIVER and
CHEESE!
Girl: hehehe, that's childish. Next please!
Ochuko: i hate LIVER and CHEESE (with a grin)
Girl: hahaha now that's wierd. (turns to
akpos)
Akpos: LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!
a girl. On the process they decided to meet
the girl and make her pick her choice among
them.
.
When they got to her, she insisted that she'll
only date a guy who could make a good
sentence with 'LIVER' and 'CHEESE.'
musa: (cutting in quickly) i love LIVER and
CHEESE!
Girl: hehehe, that's childish. Next please!
Ochuko: i hate LIVER and CHEESE (with a grin)
Girl: hahaha now that's wierd. (turns to
akpos)
Akpos: LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!
LOLZ...................................................
Teacher: can you see God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: can you touch God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: then there is no God
(…..…., a little silence)
Akpos: teacher can you see your
brain?.
Teacher: No
Akpos: can you touch your brain? Teacher: ”No!”
Akpos: “Then you dont have a brain!”.
Akpos; No
Teacher: can you touch God?
Akpos; No
Teacher: then there is no God
(…..…., a little silence)
Akpos: teacher can you see your
brain?.
Teacher: No
Akpos: can you touch your brain? Teacher: ”No!”
Akpos: “Then you dont have a brain!”.
LOLZ..................................
Akpos opened his eyes after a
surgical operation and breathed "Thank God it's over".
A man on the other side of his bed said,
"Don't be so sure,when i did mine they left an injection in my belly and had to open it again".
Another patient added,
"Same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool".
Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed
in and asked, "Has anyone seen my Wrist watch?".
Akpos fainted
surgical operation and breathed "Thank God it's over".
A man on the other side of his bed said,
"Don't be so sure,when i did mine they left an injection in my belly and had to open it again".
Another patient added,
"Same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool".
Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed
in and asked, "Has anyone seen my Wrist watch?".
Akpos fainted
LOLZ..................................................
Akpos who has lived in Ghana all his
life, just
got admission into one of the Nigerian
institutions.
At the first day of lecture, the following
conversation
erupted...
The Lecturer said, lets begin by
reviewing some Nigerian history.
The Lecturer asked who said, "I
shall return to die in the land of my
fathers?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except
for
Akpos, who had his hand up.
Akpos replied: "King Jaja of Opobo,
1875"
Very good! said lecturer.
Then, she asked again, who said, "The
land
use act will feed the nation?" Again, no
response
except from Akpos: "obasanjo ,
1976."
The Lecturer snapped at the class;
class, you
should be ashamed. Akpos, who is
new to
our
Country, knows more about our
history than
you do.
The Lecturer heard a loud whisper:
"Ghana
must
go".
who said that? she demanded, Akpos
put
his hand up, "Buhari 1984".
At that point, a student at the back
scornfully
said; Hmmm,
you think you are smart?
The Lecturer glared and asked; "All
right"!
Now, who said that?
Again, Akpos said, "Babangida to
Abiola,
1992".
Hmmm, a Student at the back smilled I
dey
laugh ooh, Akpos smiled back and
said
Obasanjo
to Atiku 2001.
Now furious, another student yelled;
"Oh
yeah! Eat this"!
Akpos jumped out of his chair
waving his
hand and shouting to the Lecturer,
"Indian
mistress giving an apple to Abacha,
1998".
Now, with almost mob hyseria,
someone said;
"You little poo. If you say anything
else, I"ll kill
you."
Akpos frantically yelled at the top of
his voice;
"Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!"
The Lecturer fainted, and as the class
gathered around her on the floor,
someone
said; "Oh poo,
we're in Big trouble now!"
Akpos whispered; "Chimaroke
Nnamani,
Ayodele Fayose and Lucky Igbinedon
2007".
Someone angrily said; "Dont answer
him, he
is a fool" Akpors smiled and replied;
"Obansanjo
to IBB, 2011"
Now, the Lecturer managed to get up
and
asked Akpos; "please, who're you?
Show
your self"...
Akpos jumped, yelled and said;
"Jonathan to
BOKO HARAM, 2012"
life, just
got admission into one of the Nigerian
institutions.
At the first day of lecture, the following
conversation
erupted...
The Lecturer said, lets begin by
reviewing some Nigerian history.
The Lecturer asked who said, "I
shall return to die in the land of my
fathers?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except
for
Akpos, who had his hand up.
Akpos replied: "King Jaja of Opobo,
1875"
Very good! said lecturer.
Then, she asked again, who said, "The
land
use act will feed the nation?" Again, no
response
except from Akpos: "obasanjo ,
1976."
The Lecturer snapped at the class;
class, you
should be ashamed. Akpos, who is
new to
our
Country, knows more about our
history than
you do.
The Lecturer heard a loud whisper:
"Ghana
must
go".
who said that? she demanded, Akpos
put
his hand up, "Buhari 1984".
At that point, a student at the back
scornfully
said; Hmmm,
you think you are smart?
The Lecturer glared and asked; "All
right"!
Now, who said that?
Again, Akpos said, "Babangida to
Abiola,
1992".
Hmmm, a Student at the back smilled I
dey
laugh ooh, Akpos smiled back and
said
Obasanjo
to Atiku 2001.
Now furious, another student yelled;
"Oh
yeah! Eat this"!
Akpos jumped out of his chair
waving his
hand and shouting to the Lecturer,
"Indian
mistress giving an apple to Abacha,
1998".
Now, with almost mob hyseria,
someone said;
"You little poo. If you say anything
else, I"ll kill
you."
Akpos frantically yelled at the top of
his voice;
"Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!"
The Lecturer fainted, and as the class
gathered around her on the floor,
someone
said; "Oh poo,
we're in Big trouble now!"
Akpos whispered; "Chimaroke
Nnamani,
Ayodele Fayose and Lucky Igbinedon
2007".
Someone angrily said; "Dont answer
him, he
is a fool" Akpors smiled and replied;
"Obansanjo
to IBB, 2011"
Now, the Lecturer managed to get up
and
asked Akpos; "please, who're you?
Show
your self"...
Akpos jumped, yelled and said;
"Jonathan to
BOKO HARAM, 2012"
LOL..........
Akpos goes to a store 4 groceries.
He finds cat food at a very special low price.
He buys a dozen cans of cat food.
The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probably doesn’t own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children.
He goes to Akpos and ask him to bring the cat as proof for him to buy the cat food.
Akpos goes and bring his cat and the manager lets him buy the dozen cans.
A few days later Akpos finds dog food at a low lower price.
He buys a dozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog.
Akpos goes to get his dog and the manager lets him buy.
A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag.
He ask the manager to put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside.
After feeling what’s in the bag the manager says, “What the f* # k? What is this? Is this sh*t?”
Akpos nodded And replied, “Yes I wanted to buy toilet paper and I don’t want you to send me back for proof again.
He finds cat food at a very special low price.
He buys a dozen cans of cat food.
The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probably doesn’t own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children.
He goes to Akpos and ask him to bring the cat as proof for him to buy the cat food.
Akpos goes and bring his cat and the manager lets him buy the dozen cans.
A few days later Akpos finds dog food at a low lower price.
He buys a dozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog.
Akpos goes to get his dog and the manager lets him buy.
A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag.
He ask the manager to put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside.
After feeling what’s in the bag the manager says, “What the f* # k? What is this? Is this sh*t?”
Akpos nodded And replied, “Yes I wanted to buy toilet paper and I don’t want you to send me back for proof again.
LOL
A 90 year old man marries an 18yr old woman and
goes to a doctor. MAN: My 18 year wife is pregnant, your opinion doctor?
Dr Akpos: ok, Let me tell you a story..A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrella instead of a gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion,
lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle & BANG.. the lion drops dead.!
Old man: That's impossible, someone else must have shot the lion.
Dr Akpos:Exactly!!!!
goes to a doctor. MAN: My 18 year wife is pregnant, your opinion doctor?
Dr Akpos: ok, Let me tell you a story..A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrella instead of a gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion,
lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle & BANG.. the lion drops dead.!
Old man: That's impossible, someone else must have shot the lion.
Dr Akpos:Exactly!!!!
LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Akpors visit his friend emeka at home
Emeka called his wife and asked her to serve them
drinks.
when the wife was done with the serving, she sat down right opposite Akpos with her legs open.
Akpors could not control himself so he enjoyed the
view. when Emeka went inside the house,
Emeka's wife said to
Akpors, "do you like what you see"?
Akpors said YES.
Emeka's wife said, "you can have it, but it will only cost you N10,000, and Akpors agreed so they fixed a time,
12pm the next day when the husband Eazy, will be at work.
So the next day, Akpors came over at the exact time and they enjoyed themselves then he paid her.
When Emeka came back, this was what
transpired btw dem;
Emeka: honey was Akpors here today?
WIFE: [AFRAID] yes
Emeka : at 12pm right?
WIFE : [ALMOST FAINTING ] yes
Emeka : OHH, Akpors my good friend, always keeping time...
WIFE : Honey, why do you ask?
Emeka : he came over to my office this morning and borrowed N10,000 from me promising to bring it back to you at the
house by 12pm, so did he bring it?
The wife FAINTED!!!!
Emeka called his wife and asked her to serve them
drinks.
when the wife was done with the serving, she sat down right opposite Akpos with her legs open.
Akpors could not control himself so he enjoyed the
view. when Emeka went inside the house,
Emeka's wife said to
Akpors, "do you like what you see"?
Akpors said YES.
Emeka's wife said, "you can have it, but it will only cost you N10,000, and Akpors agreed so they fixed a time,
12pm the next day when the husband Eazy, will be at work.
So the next day, Akpors came over at the exact time and they enjoyed themselves then he paid her.
When Emeka came back, this was what
transpired btw dem;
Emeka: honey was Akpors here today?
WIFE: [AFRAID] yes
Emeka : at 12pm right?
WIFE : [ALMOST FAINTING ] yes
Emeka : OHH, Akpors my good friend, always keeping time...
WIFE : Honey, why do you ask?
Emeka : he came over to my office this morning and borrowed N10,000 from me promising to bring it back to you at the
house by 12pm, so did he bring it?
The wife FAINTED!!!!
LOL.............................
.
Akpos was lying unconscious in a
hospital bed. After a week he finally regained consciousness.
The doctor was immediately summoned.
DOCTOR: Your recovery was a miracle.
AKPOS: Thank God! That means I don't have to pay you.
Akpos was lying unconscious in a
hospital bed. After a week he finally regained consciousness.
The doctor was immediately summoned.
DOCTOR: Your recovery was a miracle.
AKPOS: Thank God! That means I don't have to pay you.
LOL/////////////////////////////////////////////////////TEACHERIOUS
Akpos was once employed in a school and he went to class to teach.
=> The first day.
Akpos: Good morning students
Students: Good morning sir!
Akpos: I'm going to be your new
teacher, do u know what we have
this morning?
Students: No sir!
Teacher: Since u don't know,
there's no point of teaching u.
Akpos went and came the following day.
=> Second Day
Akpos: Good morning students
Student: Good morning sir.
Akpos: Do u know what we have this
morning?
Out of fear of the previous
day, they said "yes sir".
Akpos: Since u already know,
there's no point teaching u again.
=> The third day.
Akpos came to class.
Akpos: Do u know what we are having this morning?
Out of confusion some said Yes, while some said No.
Akpos: Alright then, let those
that know teach those who don't
know
=> The first day.
Akpos: Good morning students
Students: Good morning sir!
Akpos: I'm going to be your new
teacher, do u know what we have
this morning?
Students: No sir!
Teacher: Since u don't know,
there's no point of teaching u.
Akpos went and came the following day.
=> Second Day
Akpos: Good morning students
Student: Good morning sir.
Akpos: Do u know what we have this
morning?
Out of fear of the previous
day, they said "yes sir".
Akpos: Since u already know,
there's no point teaching u again.
=> The third day.
Akpos came to class.
Akpos: Do u know what we are having this morning?
Out of confusion some said Yes, while some said No.
Akpos: Alright then, let those
that know teach those who don't
know
LOL..............................LMAO
Akpos at a job interview
Job interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Akpos: Bad.
Interviewer: Come.
Akpos: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
Akpos: Fine.
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpos: You are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpos: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok, now stop all that.
Akpos: Ok. now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpos: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh my God!
Akpos: Oh my devil.
Interviewer: You are rejected!
Akpos: I'm selected.
Job interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Akpos: Bad.
Interviewer: Come.
Akpos: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
Akpos: Fine.
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpos: You are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpos: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok, now stop all that.
Akpos: Ok. now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpos: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh my God!
Akpos: Oh my devil.
Interviewer: You are rejected!
Akpos: I'm selected.
AKPORS VS FATHER -IN -LAW
Young man, you coming to seek my daughter’s hand
in
marriage and you are chewing gum. That’s a sign of
disrespect!
Akpors: Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.
Father-In-Law: You mean u drink & smoke and you are
here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?
Akpors: Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club.
Father-In-Law: U club too? Akpors: I’m sorry sir, I
started clubbing when I came out of prison.
Father-In-Law:-U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my
God!
Akpors: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!
Father-In-Law:-What!!! U’re a killer??? Akpors: Sir, it
happened out of anger. It was a certain
man that didn’t allow me marry his daughter so I
killed
him.
Father-In-Law: You are highly welcome my son. U are
on the right track. U are absolutely the right man for my
daughter
LOL.........MAFIA AKPORS
Three men of which Akpors was one of them took their wives to d
hospital for delivery, shortly the Nurse came out and asked, who is
JOSEPH that works with three crown milk, the man
stood up, congratulationsyour wife has delivered three bouncing babies. Shortly, d Nurse came out again and asked, who is JOHN that works with 7up, the man
stood up, congrats your wife has delivered 7 bouncing babies.
Immediately,the third man ( AKPORS ) took off and ran away because he works at 33 larger beer..
***always the badest akpors
stood up, congratulationsyour wife has delivered three bouncing babies. Shortly, d Nurse came out again and asked, who is JOHN that works with 7up, the man
stood up, congrats your wife has delivered 7 bouncing babies.
Immediately,the third man ( AKPORS ) took off and ran away because he works at 33 larger beer..
***always the badest akpors
TRUE LOVE.............LOL
AKPOS was sitting in a taxi when he
receives a text message from his girl
friend asking:“Sex tonight?”
He quickly types: "Yes!" Then a thief sticks
his hand into the taxi and snatches the phone from AKPOS.
AKPOS gets out of the car and runs
after the thief shouting:
"press send! press send!!
MILD DRAMA
.
Akpos was in a barber's shop to get an hair cut.
While the barber was barbing his hair, he saw a beautiful lady sitting patiently in the shop.
Akpos said; Hello young lady, you look so beautiful.
She replied; Thank you!
Akpos asked; Can we go out on a date?
She replied; Sorry, i'm married.
Akpos said; You can tell your husband you are going to visit a friend or whatever.
She said; You can tell him yourself, he's the one barbing your hair.
The kind hair/hand cut wey Bros akpors get for free price no Be here oo!!!
While the barber was barbing his hair, he saw a beautiful lady sitting patiently in the shop.
Akpos said; Hello young lady, you look so beautiful.
She replied; Thank you!
Akpos asked; Can we go out on a date?
She replied; Sorry, i'm married.
Akpos said; You can tell your husband you are going to visit a friend or whatever.
She said; You can tell him yourself, he's the one barbing your hair.
The kind hair/hand cut wey Bros akpors get for free price no Be here oo!!!
LOLZZZZZZZZZZ.......MIRACLE
Akpos the blind guy visited his choir mistress @ her house to share a testimony and found her bathing.
Since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she creamed and make herself up naked in front of him & she tried 2 make conversation by asking him:
Brother Akpos : What brings you here? Hope everything is fine @ home?
Akpos replied: Yes O, Very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye operation, so I can see now am even seeing you live!
Since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she creamed and make herself up naked in front of him & she tried 2 make conversation by asking him:
Brother Akpos : What brings you here? Hope everything is fine @ home?
Akpos replied: Yes O, Very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye operation, so I can see now am even seeing you live!
LOL..........EXPOSURE
Exposure!!
Akpos, Ken and Seth went to rob a
supermarket at night. They
decided not to give an answer to
any question if they were
unfortunately caught.
A neighbor saw them, called the
police and unfortunately for them
they were caught.
POLICE: [to Ken] What's your
name?
(There was no answer).
POLICE: [to Seth] What's your
name?
(He didn't respond either).
POLICE: [to Akpos] What's your
name?
AKPOS: Ken and Seth did not
mention their names why should
I?
Akpos, Ken and Seth went to rob a
supermarket at night. They
decided not to give an answer to
any question if they were
unfortunately caught.
A neighbor saw them, called the
police and unfortunately for them
they were caught.
POLICE: [to Ken] What's your
name?
(There was no answer).
POLICE: [to Seth] What's your
name?
(He didn't respond either).
POLICE: [to Akpos] What's your
name?
AKPOS: Ken and Seth did not
mention their names why should
I?
POOR FOLKS
AKPORS and EKAITTE decided to
go to bar beach with their car, on
getting to Y junction, they saw a
board with directive which say
BEACH LEFT, dey started crying and
turned back home.
go to bar beach with their car, on
getting to Y junction, they saw a
board with directive which say
BEACH LEFT, dey started crying and
turned back home.
LOLZZZZZ..................HMMMMMMM
Lolzzzzz,....bad boy trapped
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
Akpos: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos kissed the girl.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well, that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos put his hand in the girl’s top.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos took off the girl's clothes.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos had sex with the girl.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
Akpos: BASTARDDD!!!
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
Akpos: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos kissed the girl.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well, that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos put his hand in the girl’s top.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos took off the girl's clothes.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
Akpos: You mean like this?
Akpos had sex with the girl.
GIRL: Yes!..
Akpos: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
Akpos: BASTARDDD!!!
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.............
Akpors was in a bar with Ejiro. They were both having a good time when
the news came on TV. The female reporter shouts out ‘This is just in, a
man is standing on the edge of a bridge attempting to jump’
Ejiro: Akpors, I bet you 5k, this man go jump.’
Akpors: The guy no go jump, I set my 5k too
So, both of them stared at the news waiting to find out what happened next. Finally, the man jumps.
Akpors turns to Ejiro and hands him #5000.
Ejiro: (feeling guilty) oh boy I no fit take your money; I see the news earlier this morning so I already know say in go jump.
Akpors: Oh boy no be small thing sef, I saw it this morning too oh, but I no just reason say the guy go dey mumu enough to jump again!
Ejiro: Akpors, I bet you 5k, this man go jump.’
Akpors: The guy no go jump, I set my 5k too
So, both of them stared at the news waiting to find out what happened next. Finally, the man jumps.
Akpors turns to Ejiro and hands him #5000.
Ejiro: (feeling guilty) oh boy I no fit take your money; I see the news earlier this morning so I already know say in go jump.
Akpors: Oh boy no be small thing sef, I saw it this morning too oh, but I no just reason say the guy go dey mumu enough to jump again!
KIKIKIKI............WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.............
During an argument, Akpos told his WIFE, “women are just DONKEYS. All women are DONKEYS!”
The next day as they were travelling along the highway, a donkey crosses right in front of their car. The WIFE tells Akpos, “Sweetheart, be careful. Your mother is crossing the road.”
The next day as they were travelling along the highway, a donkey crosses right in front of their car. The WIFE tells Akpos, “Sweetheart, be careful. Your mother is crossing the road.”
LOL........EVIL INTENTIONS,..............
Akpos boarded a bus going to Asaba.
Sitting next to him was a Church sister coming back
from an All Night.
As they proceeded Akpos smiled and stared at the
church sister lustfully.
The Church Sister immediately in
retaliation said; With your lustfulness you won't get to
heaven.
Akpos furiously jumped up and gave the conductor a
hot slap.
The Conductor in shock asked; What's that for?.
Akpos shouted; You are a liar and a thief. Why didn't
you tell me this bus was going to heaven and not
Asaba.
Sitting next to him was a Church sister coming back
from an All Night.
As they proceeded Akpos smiled and stared at the
church sister lustfully.
The Church Sister immediately in
retaliation said; With your lustfulness you won't get to
heaven.
Akpos furiously jumped up and gave the conductor a
hot slap.
The Conductor in shock asked; What's that for?.
Akpos shouted; You are a liar and a thief. Why didn't
you tell me this bus was going to heaven and not
Asaba.
LOL........LUNA ............................TIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric
Hospital.
Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he
got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone
and asked; Is there any one in Room 8 in Ward 1? The
Receptionist on phone replied; Just a minute sir hold on
let me check. A while later the Receptionist came back
on the phone and said; There is no one sir. Akpos
exclaimed; Wow! Okay my dear. The Receptionist said;
But why did you asked sir?. Akpos replied; I want to be
sure if i have escaped
Hospital.
Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he
got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone
and asked; Is there any one in Room 8 in Ward 1? The
Receptionist on phone replied; Just a minute sir hold on
let me check. A while later the Receptionist came back
on the phone and said; There is no one sir. Akpos
exclaimed; Wow! Okay my dear. The Receptionist said;
But why did you asked sir?. Akpos replied; I want to be
sure if i have escaped
RUDE WAFFY BOY............................
AKPOS ON CNN!!
CNN REPORTER: Mr. Akpos, how do
you feel about the
fact that a white man was the first man
on the moon?
AKPOS: You whites you think you are
clever, a black
man will be the first man on the SUN!..
REPORTER: but, that is ridiculous, you
will burn to
death.....!
AKPOS: Hai, shut up you albino!.... We are not
stupid.....We will go at night!...
CNN REPORTER: Mr. Akpos, how do
you feel about the
fact that a white man was the first man
on the moon?
AKPOS: You whites you think you are
clever, a black
man will be the first man on the SUN!..
REPORTER: but, that is ridiculous, you
will burn to
death.....!
AKPOS: Hai, shut up you albino!.... We are not
stupid.....We will go at night!...
WI-FI TECH.................................WIFEY.............LOL
A man receives a message from his neighbour, Akpos:
'Sorry, Sir, I am using your wife, dayly and nightly, when you’re not at home - in fact, more than you use! I confess this because I feel very guilty! Hope you will accept my sincere apologies'
The man is about to shoot his wife when another message comes from Akpos: 'Sorry, Sir, spelling mistake... It's not wife but Wi-fi!’
'Sorry, Sir, I am using your wife, dayly and nightly, when you’re not at home - in fact, more than you use! I confess this because I feel very guilty! Hope you will accept my sincere apologies'
The man is about to shoot his wife when another message comes from Akpos: 'Sorry, Sir, spelling mistake... It's not wife but Wi-fi!’
DRAMA BOY.............................LOL
Akpors was looking for a job
He noticed there was an opening
at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he
discovered the zoo had a very
unusual position that they
wanted to fill.
Apparently their gorilla had died,
and until they could get a new
one, they needed someone to
dress up in a gorilla suit and act
like a gorilla for a few days. He
was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of
course, his identity would be kept
a secret, and no one would be the
wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla
suit. The zoo offered good pay
for this job, so akpors decided to
do it. He tried on the suit and sure
enough, he looked just like a
gorilla.
They led him to the cage; he took
a position at the back of the cage
and pretended to sleep. But after
a while, he got tired of sitting so
he walked around a little bit,
jumped up and down and tried a
few gorilla noises. The people
watching him seemed to really like
that. When he would move or
jump around, they would clap and
cheer and throw him peanuts.
And akpors loved peanuts. So he
jumped around some more and
tried climbing a tree. That seemed
to really get the crowd excited.
They threw more peanuts. Playing
to the crowd, he grabbed a vine
and swung from one side of the
cage to the other. The people
loved it and threw more peanuts.
"Wow! This is great," he thought.
He swung higher and the crowd
grew bigger. He continued to
swing on the vine,
getting higher and higher and
then all of a sudden, the vine
broke! He swung up and out of
the cage, landing in the lion's cage
that was next door. He panicked.
There was a huge lion not twenty
feet away, and it looked very
hungry. So akpors in the gorilla
suit started jumping up and
down, screaming and yelling,
"Help, help! Get me out of here!
I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a AKPORS
in a gorilla suit! HELP!" The lion
quickly pounced on the akpors, held
him down and said,AKPORS
NO FEAR, NA ME CHIJIOKE "be quiet!
You're going to make both of us
to lose our job
HAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A man who was released from the prison after 30 years
imprisonment entered a family and found akpos and
his wife in the sitting room watching tv,he tied up
akpos
and his wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the
bathroom...akpos said to the wife
"satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love
u"Wife said "he didn't kiss me just like dat ooooo , he
whispered in
my ear dat he is gay, he needs vaseline and I
told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love
u too......!!! Akpos fainted.
imprisonment entered a family and found akpos and
his wife in the sitting room watching tv,he tied up
akpos
and his wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the
bathroom...akpos said to the wife
"satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love
u"Wife said "he didn't kiss me just like dat ooooo , he
whispered in
my ear dat he is gay, he needs vaseline and I
told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love
u too......!!! Akpos fainted.
LOL.........................DAMN
Akpos has been admiring his neighbour’s wife. The neighbour’s wife
always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other.
Akpos didn’t know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires …
because she’s married.
So, one day the lady herself approached Akpos alone in his apartment.
AKPOS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPOS: Is everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).
AKPOS: Wow! Anything for the angel.
LADY: I…I…I… just don’tknow how to say this. I’ll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no.
AKPOS: Oh my lady. You don’t have to. I am ready to do anything for you.
LADY: You know, it’s been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled…
AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he’s around, he has some… (pause) he has some disabilities…
AKPOS: Oh poor you… You must have been going through hell!
LADY: I know you’ll be stronger than him…
AKPOS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure,I’m ready if you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks goodness! that’s why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?
So, one day the lady herself approached Akpos alone in his apartment.
AKPOS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPOS: Is everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).
AKPOS: Wow! Anything for the angel.
LADY: I…I…I… just don’tknow how to say this. I’ll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no.
AKPOS: Oh my lady. You don’t have to. I am ready to do anything for you.
LADY: You know, it’s been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled…
AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he’s around, he has some… (pause) he has some disabilities…
AKPOS: Oh poor you… You must have been going through hell!
LADY: I know you’ll be stronger than him…
AKPOS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure,I’m ready if you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks goodness! that’s why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?
GOOD CHILD.............LOL
One night, Akpors passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying; “God, bless Mummy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye Grandpa.”
Akpors didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor after a heart attack. Akpors reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again; “God bless Mummy and Daddy. Bye Grandma.”
Akpors was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, Akpors decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray; “God bless Mummy. Bye Daddy.”
Now Akpors was really scared. He stayed up all night, and went to see the doctor early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here, I have bad news, Akpan the gate man died last night".
Akpors: whaatttttttttt?
Akpors didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor after a heart attack. Akpors reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again; “God bless Mummy and Daddy. Bye Grandma.”
Akpors was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, Akpors decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray; “God bless Mummy. Bye Daddy.”
Now Akpors was really scared. He stayed up all night, and went to see the doctor early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here, I have bad news, Akpan the gate man died last night".
Akpors: whaatttttttttt?
AKPORS..........HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA +..............LOL
Akpors who was by dis time a fat man saw an advertisement,"Lose 5kg in a
Week." He called and said,"I would like to join!" Lady: Ok!Be ready
tomorrow at 6 am. Next morning,akpors gets to the office & he was
taken to a room.He opens the door and finds a hot babe in only a shirt
And underpants. She said, "If u catch me u can f**k me!" & the girl
starts running. Fat akpors starts running but couldn't catch her.So
during the whole week,he tried to catch her but couldn't & lost 5kg.He
then asks for the 10kg program. Next morning at 6am,he opens the door
and finds a more hotter babe in a bikini who said, "If you catch me,you
f**k me." He lost 10kg that week. So,he thought this program is awesome!
He requested a 25kg program. The lady said, "Are U sure?It's really
tough!! Akpors replied, ''am more than ready''The next day at 6am,he
opens the door expecting to see a naked babe but finds a Naked MAD MAN
who said, "If I Catch U,I F**k U!!!!"That week,akpors lost 65 kg.Hehehe
lol an started looking for hospital where they do flesh fattening
surgical operation!
CURIOUSITY LICKS THE CAT..........LOL
Curiosity licks the cats ,..lol
Akpos in a hurry used
the ladies
'toilet in a posh hotel'..
He sat down and
noticed four
buttons - WW, WA, PP
& APR.
Curious, he pressed
WW & his butt
was gently sprayed
with WARM
WATER, he loved it so
much!
He then pressed WA &
a blast of
WARM AIR dried him
up.
Still loving it, He
pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make
him smell
fresh.
Feeling pampered, he
decided to
press the last button
APR.
He later woke up in a
hospital.
A nurse smiled & said
to him, Sir,
APR means
AUTOMATIC PAD
REMOVER. When the
machine
couldn't find a pad on
you, it went
for your balls.
Your balls are in the jar
over
there!
Akpos in a hurry used
the ladies
'toilet in a posh hotel'..
He sat down and
noticed four
buttons - WW, WA, PP
& APR.
Curious, he pressed
WW & his butt
was gently sprayed
with WARM
WATER, he loved it so
much!
He then pressed WA &
a blast of
WARM AIR dried him
up.
Still loving it, He
pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make
him smell
fresh.
Feeling pampered, he
decided to
press the last button
APR.
He later woke up in a
hospital.
A nurse smiled & said
to him, Sir,
APR means
AUTOMATIC PAD
REMOVER. When the
machine
couldn't find a pad on
you, it went
for your balls.
Your balls are in the jar
over
there!
LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER.............LOL
Akpors called his daughter, Ejiro with a hidden number.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
Ejiro: Yeah.
UNKNOWN: So you have a boyfriend. Its your dad, Akpors. I'm
coming so that you'll tell me when you grew horns!
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
Ejiro: Yeah.
UNKNOWN: So you have a boyfriend. Its your dad, Akpors. I'm
coming so that you'll tell me when you grew horns!
Five minutes later, he called her again with the hidden number.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
Ejiro: No.
UNKNOWN: I see you don't love me. It's me your boyfriend.
Ejiro: Oh Sweet heart, I love you. I thought it was my stupid Dad!
UNKNOWN: It's not your boyfriend. It's still your so-called stupid dad Akpors, I just wanted to confirm you really have one.
Wait for me! I'm on my way!!!
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
Ejiro: No.
UNKNOWN: I see you don't love me. It's me your boyfriend.
Ejiro: Oh Sweet heart, I love you. I thought it was my stupid Dad!
UNKNOWN: It's not your boyfriend. It's still your so-called stupid dad Akpors, I just wanted to confirm you really have one.
Wait for me! I'm on my way!!!
Tuesday 28 October 2014
L O L.................HOUSE DRAMA
The newly married akpors gets home early from work and hears strange
noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting."What's up?"he asks."I'm having a
heart attack,"cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You bastard!!!"says akpors the husband."My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You bastard!!!"says akpors the husband."My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"
OH............................. NO...........AKPORS IS DEAD,,,,,,
Mr Akpors – a Nigerian tourist goes on a trip to China.
While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn’t use condoms all the time.
A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his pen*s covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital.
The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.
Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,“I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it”.
Akpors looks a little perplexed and says,“Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc”
The doctor answers,“I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your pen*s”
Akpors screams in horror, “Ampu…. wetin?! I want a second opinion please,doc”.
The doctor replies,“Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice”.
The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his pen*s and proclaims,“Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease”.
Akpors says to the doctor,“Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my pen*s!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs,“Stupid doctor, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”
“Oh, Thank God!”Akpors replies in relief.
“Yes”, says the Chinese doctor, “You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Pen*s will fall o
While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn’t use condoms all the time.
A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his pen*s covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital.
The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.
Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,“I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it”.
Akpors looks a little perplexed and says,“Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc”
The doctor answers,“I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your pen*s”
Akpors screams in horror, “Ampu…. wetin?! I want a second opinion please,doc”.
The doctor replies,“Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice”.
The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his pen*s and proclaims,“Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease”.
Akpors says to the doctor,“Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my pen*s!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs,“Stupid doctor, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”
“Oh, Thank God!”Akpors replies in relief.
“Yes”, says the Chinese doctor, “You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Pen*s will fall o
LOL.............G MONEY
Akpos mistakenly sent 800
Thousand
Naira to a wrong phone number
via Mobile Money. Akpos realized
that
before the person withdraws the
whole money, he had to think of
what to do if he wants to get his
money back from the person
phone number. He immediately
sent a text: Hi Boss, i hope you
are
okay. I
hope you’ve received the money
i sent you for the introduction
ceremony of joining Illuminati
Satanism scheduled to happen
at 12midnight. That money is
only
for transport. I will send you
more for
pocket money and there are
riches
awaiting you. Remember to carry
a syringe and
needle
meant to draw your blood every
20 minutes. Please don’t be late
because
the devil will be present to
officiate the ceremony. Thanks in
advance. But in case you are not
ready to
join,
please send back the money.
4 Minutes later, Akpos gets a
Mobile Money message – You
have received 800 Thousand
Naira for your mobile
money account.
Thousand
Naira to a wrong phone number
via Mobile Money. Akpos realized
that
before the person withdraws the
whole money, he had to think of
what to do if he wants to get his
money back from the person
phone number. He immediately
sent a text: Hi Boss, i hope you
are
okay. I
hope you’ve received the money
i sent you for the introduction
ceremony of joining Illuminati
Satanism scheduled to happen
at 12midnight. That money is
only
for transport. I will send you
more for
pocket money and there are
riches
awaiting you. Remember to carry
a syringe and
needle
meant to draw your blood every
20 minutes. Please don’t be late
because
the devil will be present to
officiate the ceremony. Thanks in
advance. But in case you are not
ready to
join,
please send back the money.
4 Minutes later, Akpos gets a
Mobile Money message – You
have received 800 Thousand
Naira for your mobile
money account.
THE DYING AKPORS........
Akpos lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family; a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic. But the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," Akpos whispers, "assure me that the youngest child is really mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely! No question! I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
Akpos then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three
AKPORS NOMENCALCULUS 1!!!!..............LOL
The teacher caught him and asked him.
Teacher: Why are you sleeping while I was teaching? You are not listening!
Akpos: Madam, your voice was so sweet, that's why I slept off.
Teacher: Then why are others not sleeping?
Akpos: Because they are not listening.
Teacher: Ok, if you said you were listening, give me 10 examples of wild animals!
Akpos: Hahahahahaha, na this I can’t answer? Common ten examples of wild animals? Ma, the question is too cheap.
Teacher: Just answer it.
Akpos: Ok! Ten examples of wild animals are: 4 lions, 3 cobras, 2 tigers and 1 gorilla.
Teacher fainted.
AKPORS AND THE PRIEST
Akpos enters a church n finds the priest.Priest: How may I help you son?
Akpos: Im looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she’s not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess. Then go to the confession area
Akpos: forgive me father for I have sinned
Priest: What are your sins my son?
Akpos: The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister.
Priest: Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess
Akpos: Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt’s place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin
Priest: You know that is wrong my son
Akpos: Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone…
Priest interrupts: Let me guess, you slept with her colleague
Akpos: Yes father
Then there was total silence after that.
Akpos: Father?
Akpos: Fatherrr?
Still no reply
Akpos: Father are you dia??
Akpos peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding.
Akpos: Why are you hiding father?
Priest (shaking with fear): I’ve just realised I’m the only one here and you came looking for your wife.
I sincerely welcome you all to your laughter BLOG with a New level of touch........
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