HAHAHAAAAAA.......REALL FUNNY

Conversation between Akpors & Wife: Akpors: I wonder what's going on next door, its
kinda noisy. Wife: It's a birthday party! Akpors: Whose birthday party is it? Wife: I'm sure it's Tuyu's birthday. Akpors: Tuyu! Who is dat & How did you know? Wife : I heard them singing ''Happy Birthday 'Tuyu'!!!

HMMMMMM..................

akpors findings: During My school Days I Observed That: (1)Since José Mourinho got sacked by Chelsea in
2007.
Chelsea have won 7 trophies and Arsenal have won
0."
(2)When you scream God's name during sex,
Iwonder if you're trying to remind Him to punish u later."
(3)The day a Ghost got involved in an accidentwas
the
day i stopped watching Nollywood."
(4)What's the relationship between Rain & PHCN in
Nigeria? It seems almost like an automatic switch thing..
(5)Someone walks up to u drinking Ice-Creamand
tells
u to help him with T-fare cos he's Stranded..pls shoot
Him!"
(6)He did the Exam so well that He Took the Answer Scripts Home to show His Room-mates"
(7) That awkward moment when you
type"Trophyless"
on Google and the result shows"Arsenal""
(8)Just put currency sign in front of your pin and
igbo girls would add you. $2737A4A7"
(9) sweat from some girls' armpits will turn blue
litmus
paper red."
(10)If your Girlfriend refuses to accept the Bible &
anointing oil or Qu'ran as Vals gift, free her, na WITCH"
(11)They say love is more important than money. Pls
try paying a lagos conductorur with a hug?"
(12)In a Nigerian Home...If your friend forgetsto
greet
your parents, that's the end of that friendship.if you agree"
(13)Women are like police, they might have allthe
evidence in the world but they still want a
confession!"
(14)People That Smoke Weed Before Going
ToChurch. You Wanna Compete With The Most High?"
(15)In a Naija Home, ur parents will call u frm ur
room
to pick up something that is sitting literally 2inches
away from them.
(16)If God's Plan For You is BROWN TEETH, Even IRON SPONGE Cannot Change It!"
(17)If 80k brazilian hair couldn't get you a good
husband, why not use it to pay a counselor to talk
good
sense into your life"
(18) Ushers sef.. Dey won't allow one sleep comfortably
during service.. Thought the house of God is also my
father's house?"
(19)The hot girl next to me in class just fell asleep.
Maybe I should fall asleep too..so I can tell my friends
I slept wit her?"
(20)WHITE KID: "Shut Up Dad"!!; * Dad shuts up*
DAD-
*Shut too* 9JA KID: "Pale, Shut up abeg" *wakes
up*....where am i?....DOCTOR: Oloshi..Igbobi Hospital"
(21)A slap is a manual override mechanism used to rectify a person acting like a fool.....no one is above a
manual reset."
(22)Some Igbo people with their names tho, how
can
you be naming identical twins"Praise and Worship"?"
(23)U opend Ur legs & he bought U BOLD 5, U opend 4
anoda guy & he paid for Ur BIS. Pls open 4 me too,
lemme buy U d Charger."
(24)And So, I was watching a yoruba movie...and
this
Guy shot himself in the head THRICE...Awon Oloriburuku!!"
(25)Someone Blocked His Dad on facebook, the Dad
also Blocked Him from entering the House
(26)One rapper just said "My blood is so full, call me
'bloody fool'".......Wh y lord?
(27) U can't recite a Bible Passage! but u can mention 68 Hotels & Clubs in Lagos without thinking? My Sista,
ur life is blinkin on a low ba3!"
(28)Marrying a lady whose cooking skills can only be
compared to Victor IKPEBA's English issuicide."
(29)All women MUST get married! No man should go
unpunished!" (30)Its only a Yoruba Father that Prices SchoolFees!"
(31) You try to call your GF from a public call centre
on
her street, and Her number appearsas 'Sweet Heart'

Like

TEACHING CAN BE DIFFICULT WTH HIM...................

TEACHER...Who created the earth??(akpors pokes a girl's
back with a pencil) Girl..oh God TEACHER...Good,,correct answer TEACHER...who was born on 25th december (akpors
pokes the girl's back) Girl...Oh Jesus TEACHER....very good..correct answer TEACHER...what did Eve tell Adam when they had
their 17th baby?? (akpors pokes the girl's back once again) Girl...if you stick that thing on me once more,am
going to BREAK it into half Teacher fainted

AKPORS @ IT AGAIN.......................

Chichi: Do you smoke?
Akpos: Yes.... Chichi: How many packs a day? Akpos: 3 packs. Chichi: How much per pack? Akpos: N200. Chichi: And how long have you been smoking? Akpos: For 15 years. Chichi: So, one pack costs N200, and you have
3 packs a day, which puts your spending each
month at N18,000. In one year, it would be
N216,000 correct? Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: If in one year you spend N216,000 not
accounting for inflation, the past 15 years
puts your spending at over N3,000,000
correct? Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: Do you know that if you hadn't
smoked, that money could have been put in a
step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the
past 15 years, you could have now easily bought a brand new Range Rover HSE Sport? Akpos: Do you smoke?
Chichi: No.
Akpos: So where's your Range Rover HSE
Sport then?

BABY OF THE YEAR..................................RELOADED AKP

REMEMBER HIM RIGHT.........................

growing up for mr. Akpors....

• 
  

BAD GUY..............................

hahaha another akpors drama from amenbo villa:
A Preacher said:
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and
throw it into the river". And the congregation
cried,"Amen!" "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and
throw it in the river". And the congregation
cried,"Amen!" "And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world,
I'd take it all and throw it in the river". Again the congregation cried,"Amen!" The preacher sat down. Then Akpors the deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our
hymn
books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river". THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!

LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Akpors predictions and warning:
REPENT!!! REPENT!! REPENT!! The world is coming to
an end, the signs are everywhere!! War, economic
downfall etc. Now the new sign!!PHCN has given us
light since last night!! REPENT!!!!!!!

TROUBLE

Akpors’ Pastor called him after Church and asked him how much he bought his iphone 6 smartphone.
Akpors lied that he bought the phone for $100 instead of $1000, because he didn’t want the Pastor to shout and ask how much he (Akpors) gave to God that month.
All of a sudden, the Pastor gave Akpors two hundred dollars to buy two of the phones for him and his wife.
Now Akpors is confused and doesn’t know what to do.

Akpors’ Pastor called him after Church and asked him how much he bought his iphone 6 smartphone.
Akpors lied that he bought the phone for $100 instead of $1000, because he didn’t want the Pastor to shout and ask how much he (Akpors) gave to God that month.
All of a sudden, the Pastor gave Akpors two hundred dollars to buy two of the phones for him and his wife.
Now Akpors is confused and doesn’t know what to do.

LOL.................................DROP DEAD

Akpors was strolling by a river bank. Suddenly, the river goddess came out from the middle of the river: Goddess: You are in luck today wanderer. I will give you the chance to wish for three things and they shall all come to pass. Akpors who was apparently scared upon seeing the goddess, became very delighted and immediately made his first wish;
Akpors: I need a Jeep! (puff! The Jeep appeared)
Goddess: Two more wishes.
Akpors: (visibly elated) I need a big “Ghana must go bag” full of money. (Puff! A large bag filled with money appeared)
Goddess: Now, your last wish.
Akpors: (salivating at the thought of his last request) Make me very irresistible to women!
(Puff! The Goddess suddenly turns Akpors into a BRAZILIAN HAIR!)

AKPORS.......................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

How Akpors lost his dreadlocks he had been saving for over 3years:
Akpors went into a barbing saloon one day to get his dreads properly line and trimmed. While the barber was working on him, he saw a beautiful lady sitting quietly close to the barber’s booth.
Akpors: Hello young lady, you look so beautiful.
Lady: Thank you.
Akpors: Can we go on a date tomorrow night?
Lady: Sorry, I am married.
Akpors: Ah ah, common lady, you can tell your husband you are going to visit a friend or attending a church event, then you can come over so we’ll have a good time, what do you think?
Lady: Tell him yourself, he is the one barbing your hair
That was when Akpors noticed that the barber had switched from trimming scissors to clippers while he was busy talking!

LOL..................AKPORS STRATA

Akpors and Ekaitte got tired of spending money on phone network providers and decided to come up with a different means of communication.
Akpors: This gsm people dey chop our money too much oh.
Ekaitte: Yes the stealing is too much
Akpors: I got an idea, instead of using phone, why don’t we use a pigeon in sending messages like the old time, just tie your
message to it’s leg if you want to reply
Ekaitte: I like what is in your head.
After an hour of waiting, Ekaitte saw the pigeon in the window, she checked it’s leg’s but nothing there, she sent it back, just a few minutes it comes back, she quickly grabs it but to her dissapointment no message again, she sent it back.
After some few minutes, she opened the window for the pigeon to come in, she checked it’s legs but still no message.
With too much anger, she headed to Akpors house and shouted “Akpors come here, you idiot, you said you will send message through this pigeon but why it has come to me three times without a message.
Akpors: Hahaha, Ekaitte, you don’t understand, that one is 3 missed calls na not message

LOL.......................AKPORS BEEF

Akpors suffered a very serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He woke up later to find himself in the care of reverend sisters at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, one of the reverend sisters asked how he was going to pay his bill.
Akpors: (knowing he didn’t have the money) I don’t have health insurance.
Sister: Do you have money in the bank?
Akpors: I don’t even have up to N1500 in my bank account.
Sister: Well, do you have any relative who could help you?
Akpors: I have only 1 spinster sister, who is a reverend sister.
Sister: (slightly perturbed) Reverend Sisters are not spinsters! We are married to God.
Akpors: Ahh, even better sef, oya then send the bill to God my brother-in-law.

AKPORS AND THE PRIEST

Akpos enters a church n finds the priest.
Priest: How may I help you son?
Akpos: Im looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she’s not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess. Then go to the confession area
Akpos: forgive me father for I have sinned
Priest: What are your sins my son?
Akpos: The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister.
Priest: Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess
Akpos: Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt’s place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin
Priest: You know that is wrong my son
Akpos: Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone…
Priest interrupts: Let me guess, you slept with her colleague
Akpos: Yes father
Then there was total silence after that.
Akpos: Father?
Akpos: Fatherrr?
Still no reply
Akpos: Father are you dia??
Akpos peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding.
Akpos: Why are you hiding father?
Priest (shaking with fear): I’ve just realised I’m the only one here and you came looking for your wife.

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO TICKLE

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn’t have one, The Pope has one but doesn’t use it, Dominique John-Cena uses his own all the time. What is it?
"A last name!"And shame on you for thinking it was something else.